Feeling Better Faster, by Getting Active & Eating Right.™
- Training to recover from substance abuse (drugs, alcohol), process (gambling, sex, shopping, internet, workaholism) addictions or chronic disease may sound strange. But it shouldn’t.
- Exercise and diet offer recovering addicts all the health benefits they provide for non-addicts, and more.
- Exercise and diet offer those with physical and neurological disorders a way to slow the progress of their disease, and improve their quality of life.
- Learn how we produce faster physical and mental recovery from addiction, and significantly reduce the chances of relapses, of all types.
- Your generosity will help those in need get the education, training and treatment they need to improve their health, reintegrate into their families and return to being productive, happy members of society.
In group the other day, a young man was struggling with cravings and urges to use. So I asked him to go up to the whiteboard and draw a “T”. On the left side, he was to list the “pros” of using; on the right, the “cons”. Here’s what he came up with in just a few minutes’ time.
It’s important to note, the last entry he made was “temporary” under “pros” of using. He readily admitted the benefits of using really wouldn’t last longer than the immediate relief he would get from his current uncomfortable feelings. And while he couldn’t come up with more “benefits” to using, he told the group he could think of more negative consequences, but wasn’t going to write them down. “Why?”, I asked.
His urge to use, to leave treatment, had passed. “I never thought to look at relapse like this. It really helps.” He looked relieved. And much more relaxed.
An alternative exercise is to draw the same “T” but on the right, list the benefits of staying clean and sober. Of course, in early recovery, it’s pretty difficult to imagine the freedom, opportunity and lust for life abstinence offers. Which is why it’s important to try anyway. List your uncensored dreams, desires, aspirations. Be creative. Be uninhibited. And think outside the box of material things.
Recovery is about way more than not-using. Dare to dream of the fullest life imaginable! And don’t be surprised when you find yourself in the middle of it someday!
Strange that as soon as we get clean and sober, we think that the world around us has also embarked upon a wonderful transition. And magically people will understand our problems, believe in us, cast away doubt and suspicion, re-hire us, open doors for us, give us what we want or need. There may be a sense of entitlement. The reward is just around the corner. Unfortunately, reality proves to be rather different.
So many of us climb Mt. Pity Party. From our perch high above, we spend many of those first days, months, or years of our recovery being flustered, frustrated and downright pissed-off that the world is not conforming to our needs, demands, plans, desires or vision. Last time I checked, getting clean and sober did not convey superpowers or godliness. So why do we so often think and act as if it has?
The Big Book speaks to this on pages 60-61. About the actor wanting to run the whole show, knowing that if only people did just as he said, everything would work out right. This is the egocentric thinking of a child!
I write in my book about the relapse trap that our need to control really is. “Understanding that many things are beyond your control, no matter how you plan, or what you try to do, alleviates the struggle and fight for control of everything. After all, if we believe we have total control, don’t we then bear total responsibility?” And that’s the trap! Classic self-sabotage.
Remember, we have control over our actions, our responses, our emotions. That’s what we are responsible for. We do not have control over anything else. Certainly not outcomes.
So let go. It’s okay to be the actor. Remember, the director’s chair is reserved for someone or something greater than us all. Make sure you stay in the right role.
How many thousands of times have I read that line as part of How It Works (p58) in the Big Book? And I think about my relapses. All of them. Not just the “Went to treatment, white-knuckled it for a year and then ‘suddenly’ had a drink.” The relapses that I never considered to be relapses. Like the time I was challenged to not drink for 30 days. I did it. But I crossed each day off the calendar until I could drink again. Of course, I still used during that time. Couldn’t stop that for 30 days!
How many hundreds (thousands?) of times did I say to myself that night, or the next morning, “This has to end. Now.” But, of course, it didn’t. Or at the end of the work day, “Tonight, just tonight, I won’t stop by the grocery store for more booze.” Yet my car seemed to drive itself straight into the parking lot all by itself.
We often think we are at the “turning point”, but until we truly take full measures, rather than 1/2, or 3/4, or 1/3 -measures, we are bound to head back into the darkness that is addiction.
Was looking through my Spring hiking pictures and thought this series an appropriate metaphor regarding standing at the turning point – and what it really means when we stray from the light.
Stay in the light, or not? No. “I’ve got this!” Right? I’ll just go a few feet inside. Gotta see what it’s like.
Just a little farther. It will be ok. And who are “they” to tell me to stop, anyway!?
What are you going to do? How and where do you want to live? In the darkness and isolation? Or among the living?
We strive to develop positive coping skills in recovery because they help us deal with urges, cravings, and our triggers to use. Remember, coping skills can be healthy or unhealthy – and are the sum total of ways that we deal with stress, trauma, and other problems we face.
In our addictions, we got into habits of using negative coping skills to deal with life: in fact, drinking and drugging was our “go-to” coping mechanism. Conflict at work? Take a pill. Wife has custody of the kids this week? Get an 8-ball. Bills piling up? Head to the bar. Boyfriend won’t talk to me? Get trashed.
These negative coping skills became automatic. Other examples of negative coping skills: manipulation, lying, isolation, avoidance, aggressiveness/anger/violence. Maybe we became passive-aggressive, became people-pleasers, or acted out.
How then to unlearn and change? The first step is to recognize and call-out our old behaviors. This, as the Big Book states, requires “rigorous self-honesty.” Sorry, you may wish for this, but there is no “easier, softer way.” It takes hard work and practice to identify, replace and change our old ways of thinking. But isn’t that what you signed up for in recovery? Isn’t that what you really want? Because our old ways just don’t cut it any more. And haven’t for quite some time. Healthy coping skills are the foundation of a new way of life.
Take a look at the photo of a recent group we did. What would you add to the list? How many positive and negative coping skills can you identify with?
Ever find your mind racing down a path you don’t want to travel? Catastrophizing about the future? Engaging mental gymnastics inside your head to debate points or events now irrelevant? Why do we torment ourselves so?
My experience indicates the answer is this: automatic thinking. Sure, part of this emotional turmoil is related to post-acute withdrawal. But even for many of us with years of abstinence, this “debate society” in our heads won’t shut up.
In our addictions, we cultivated and grew a vast crop of distorted thinking patterns. Defense mechanisms that allowed us to deny, justify, rationalize, minimize and cast blame for our addictions and indefensible behaviors. Irrational thinking that was impulsive, made assumptions, jumped to conclusions – negative conclusions. And these patterns of thinking became automatic.
Just because we are suddenly clean and sober, doesn’t mean we aren’t still stuck in our own BS.
So how do we get unstuck? Becoming more self-aware. Practicing new ways of thinking.
One technique I use is “thought stopping.” I try to catch myself when my brain starts hurtling down the tracks of negativity. How do I know this is happening? For me, I find myself first starting to feel uncomfortable and irritable. My blood pressure goes up. I can feel my face flush and heart rate increase. My mind begins racing with thoughts of how I would have, could have, should have, must ____________ (fill in the blank). I’m either trying to rewrite history, or author the future.
When you feel this way, stop. Deconstruct what is going on. Usually, we are triggered by something. What was that activating event? Keep in mind that whatever this trigger was is objective. In and of itself, it does not cause your emotions. Your beliefs about the trigger are what result in your emotion and reaction.
So look at what your beliefs are about this event. My old ways of thinking would be conflicted, pessimistic, catastrophic.
That negative thinking results then in my feeling stressed, uncomfortable and increasingly agitated, irritated and angry. I don’t like feeling like this – but I know a way to not feel this. That’s right. Using. So the natural result is getting an urge or craving to use. Score one for your disease.
It takes work and practice to identify, dispute, and then change our old ways of thinking. I liken it to learning to shoot a basketball jump-shot when all you know is a two-handed-push shot from your chest. Your way old way worked for a while and you made some baskets. But it quickly lost its effectiveness. And certainly has no place in a game beyond grade school. Learning the new way takes willingness, open-mindedness, practice, attention, focus and…time. You’ll feel uncomfortable. You may miss more shots initially using your new method. But eventually, your game, self-confidence and effectiveness will take a leap forward. Score two for your sobriety.
So many principles of recovery….and life…cross my mind when I’m out hiking. Helps me maintain perspective. It’s not just about the exercise and the fresh air and sunshine. Patience, nurture, faith, acceptance, healing – rebirth. The tree reminds me that the scars from a life of addiction can be channeled into something beautiful and enduring. The petroglyphs remind me that others have come before me; and more will follow. When I’m out there, I can’t help but be “right-sized.” And the crystal clear pool, despite the fact it hasn’t rained in a month? A metaphor for “the promises.” It’s all there. We simply need to put one foot in front of the other. And keep an open mind.
The best exercise is the one you want to do!
While I want to encourage readers to get active in recovery, there are some important things to consider first, especially if you’ve recently stopped drugging and drinking.
- In early recovery we are more prone health and injury problems. This is because we been sedentary, malnourished, and (probably) smoking; and the drugs/alcohol caused damage to our cardiovascular, nervous, endocrine, digestive, musculoskeletal (and other) systems.
- Addiction has not been kind to our bodies (or minds). Even though you might be starting to look better on the outside, your insides may not be keeping up with that progress.
- We tend to want to over-do it. “Make up for lost time.” There’s a saying in AA, “Time takes time.” Believe it. As much as you might want to, you cannot change the laws of physics or biology. Slow down.
- Think in terms of “journey”, rather than “destination.”
- Keep an open-mind. I have more problems with former athletes than I do with those who were not particularly athletic prior to addiction. Why? Because the former athletes tend to go too hard, too fast. This can lead to disappointment because of unrealistic expectations, or injury, or quitting.
- Remember, anything you do now is more than you were doing before! Think in terms of progress, rather than what “people” “should” or “must” or “are expected” to do.
- Your goal for each day should be suiting up and showing up. Just like they say in 12-step meetings, “Don’t drink or use. Go to meetings.” Same principle here.
- Make sure you’re cleared by a medical professional prior to engaging in any program of activity or exercise.
How can we develop new, productive exercise habits? We know that our old, drug-taking habits produced instantaneous, abundant neurotransmitter-cascade “rewards.” In fact, drugs provide approximately 10 times the neurochemical reward that “normal” healthy or desirable activities do (4). This was why it was so easy to get hooked.
Those addiction-oriented pathways will be with us forever. But the less we reinforce them (by abstaining from psychoactive chemicals and addictive behaviors like gambling, excessive shopping, etc.), the more they atrophy (weaken or deteriorate). Anyone who has had to wear a cast on an arm or leg for a month or more can attest to how a lack of use results in atrophy. We want our addiction-oriented thinking and old behaviors’ pathways to atrophy. One way to do that is to replace bad habits with good.
An action or activity is a habit when it is automatic. Learning to ride a bicycle or drive a car is automatic for most of us. We don’t need to think about how we do it; we just go do it! But learning that ability required practice and repetition. Making something a habit, (like eating right), takes conscious effort and perseverance over a period of about 90 days.
Remember, these new, healthy activities, like exercise, don’t have the same immediate super-strong rewards that psychoactive drugs gave us. So we must persevere even when we don’t feel so good, or so rewarded. We must continue to “exercise” that new behavior on a daily basis or else it will self-extinguish.
Programming new habits is critical because we all know from experience that willpower is not enough – whether it is in recovery or maintaining an exercise or diet plan. Therefore, it is critical that we invest the time, energy and commitment to develop exercise as a habit. That means regular, consistent action augmented by Small Wins SM each and every day, for at least 90 days.
To prevent relapse, new healthy behaviors must become an auto-pilot function — a good habit driven by our mid-brain.
Remember, in early recovery, your body cannot tell the difference between drug/alcohol cravings and food cravings!
Follow the following tips for success:
- Eat regularly. Do not skip breakfast or any other meal.
- Have five or six small meals per day. Example: breakfast, mid-morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner.
- Manage your cravings for sweets with fresh fruits such as apples, grapes, bananas, berries.
- Manage your cravings for fat with foods such as nuts, avocado, olives, dairy, salmon.
- Use the 3-2-1 rule of thumb to guide your dietary choices in early recovery. That means about half of your calories come from carbohydrates, one-third from protein and one-sixth from fat. With more consistency (time) in both recovery and as a healthy eater, you may wish to alter the ratios of carbs and protein.
- Eat until no longer hungry, not until full.
- Eat meals with others if possible. Eating while reading or watching TV makes us tend to over-eat.
- Have plenty of healthy foods available as snacks. These can be fruit, vegetables, protein bars, yogurt, etc.
- Plan your meals and grocery shop when you’re NOT hungry. Make a list and stick to the list. Avoid the impulse-items!
- Make sure you get plenty of vegetables, beans, lean meats, fresh fruit, dairy, grains, nuts/seeds and fiber in your diet.
- Drink plenty of water.
- Keep caffeine intake to one or two cups of coffee per day.
- Clean and prep food. Refrigerate. Fresh meals and snacks ready in a jiffy!
In my early recovery, I did not follow this advice. I didn’t know any better. And it hardly seemed important compared to all my other problems. Sadly, not only did I prolong the emotional roller-coaster, sleeplessness, cravings and overall struggle of early recovery, I gained 40 pounds.
Remember, the reason we crave candy and fatty foods is because they trigger the same addictive pathways in our brain that drugs and alcohol do! We have the benefit of knowing this now.
And to those who would state that it’s just too much to start a slow, measured approach to changing their diet, I say this, “Stopping drinking and drugging seemed like ‘too much’, too. Yet you’ve done it. So why not give yourself every advantage you can to feel better faster and get the totality of your life back on track?”
A recovery lifestyle is about more than surviving and white-knuckling it. It’s about thriving and reaching new heights – not just “getting back to where I used to be.”
Bring the best body and mind you can for the journey!